Perhaps it’s because the studio is being renovated and I’m make-doing in my dining room.
Perhaps it’s because we left for a visit home and I got all jet-lagged and everything.
Maybe I’m homesick and don’t know it.
Or perhaps it’s just one of those, ‘it goes in cycles’ things.
Whatever it is, it better hurry up and sort itself out because I don’t want to play any more…
I don’t think I’ll ever understand how one day you can’t put a foot wrong. Everything is going right for weeks and weeks and weeks and then bam! you go to bed one night and the next day you can’t make a darn thing work.
To be fair on myself, I am betwixt and between things.
I’m in the dining room trying to work and all around me my house is in boxes waiting for its turn to be renovated. It’s unsettling as I’m always thinking I should be doing something else.
There are always people in my studio, which of course is where they should be, but I feel as though I’m just in here twiddling my thumbs. Not getting on with anything ‘important’.
And to top it all off I just finished a few pieces that I ended up melting down because they weren’t doing it for me.
And so my world has ended.
Woe and more woe.
I look at all the beautiful pieces that people are making on Instagram and think – why?
Why me?
What has my life come to?
Will I ever be able to make anything again?
(Too dramatic?)
Well that’s what it feels like anyway.
Anyone else?
I must admit that since I stopped making my jewelry for charity I kind of feel that I’ve lost my purpose. Where’s the reason for making it?
I reached a mile stone for the amount I gave to charity and thought that perhaps it was enough. That considering the world’s horribleness doesn’t look like it’s going to be fixed any time soon that mine was a pretty futile effort.
I don’t know.
I enjoyed sharing what I’d learned with others, but now it seems I can’t even come up with anything remotely interesting so that’s also gone out of the window.
So roll on tomorrow and bring me some meaning.
Or at least a spark of interest.
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wish I had answers but all I have is a hug and a desire to tell you how much I admire you and your work – I have learned so much from what you have shared and many many others have too. You are a good person with a huge heart and you should be kinder to you – you would not expect from others what you are demanding of yourself – go easier – give yourself some space to breath – the “rightness” will return and all will be well again. In the meantime focus on taking care of yourself, try to find joy in smaller things and the love of your family and friends.
June, thank you ? All these lovely replies have made me feel a bit guilty now ?
The mess and disruption created during renovations is so stressful. Especially when it’s in your studio- Ugh! I’m betting you’ll feel incredibly inspired to work in there when it’s done. Hugs
Thank you Janet ?
Hang in there! So many of us try to keep things “normal” when they aren’t bc acknowledging it can feel like things are out of our control. But the secret there is that they are. They always are. And oddly enough, that realization can be liberating. One saying that gets me through hard patches – do what you can, with what you have, where you are. The beauty that you create in the world never goes away. And it will come back to you again!
Thanks. Yes I’ve definitely decided to not fight it. I don’t know though. The older I get the more urgent everything seems to be. I have to definitely stop to smell the roses sometimes and perhaps become more well rounded in the process.
Don’t sell yourself short. Seeing you work and your process has helped me develop my skills and for that I am so grateful. Since I, too, have had a setback after suffering a compound fracture of my right ankle twelve weeks ago, I can certainly sympathize with your hesitancy to get going full steam ahead again. I will look forward to seeing more of your beautiful work again once your renovation is complete.
I’m happy my videos have helped. Thank you for telling me ? I love sharing and taking the ‘mystery’ out of things. I hope your ankle is healing well. I broke my shoulder, a long time ago now, but I remember thinking that it would hurt forever and never get back to normal.
Oh man, been there! It for sure blows, and it is indeed a mystery. I usually take a break, sometimes a long break, and so far it has always come back. Trust the universe to hold your muse (and purpose) while you rest! I work in my living room all the time, because I have no studio, and I have no doubt that is at least half my motivation problems. The right work space is super important! Especially a dedicated one that you don’t have to pack up when it’s time for dinner. 😉
I know. I used to paint in my kitchen and always longed for a studio. It took twenty-five years to finally get my own space and I’m incredibly grateful. Every time I open the door I feel as though I’ve walked into a different universe and immediately feel calm ? I think the fact that I can’t go in there at the moment is definitely contributing to my lack of motivation.
It is nearly impossible to enjoy doing ANYTHING during renovations. Whenever I visit “home”, I come back more depressed than before I left, as I miss everyone more! And – I am so incredibly impressed with your donations and you should be as well! Bravo! As horrible as the daily news has become, I still believe it is the individual, single steps taken to make the world a better place that matters. I have to believe this…Hoping you find your mojo in whatever creative endeavors you take on. Your one of my heroes!
Hi Patti. I thought of you a couple of times during this process. Packing up your studio to move pretty much puts you out of commission for quite a while and seems almost as bad as renovating. I’m glad to see you have yourself all sorted again and I also admire your contributions to the horses. I also love seeing Sarge in his new back garden ?
I don’t know a single maker who hasn’t hit the wall of creative block, and when I measure myself against the posts I see on Instagram and Facebook (including yours!) and feel unbelievably inferior in my abilities. When I feel like I’ll never be able to make anything worthwhile ever again, I turn to tasks like organizing and purging my supplies or just making test strips of enamel colors. At least I know I’m accomplishing something and when you move into your renovated studio, it may help you to hit the ground rolling. Whatever you do, please don’t stop making your amazing jewelry; the world needs beauty now more than ever!
Thanks Janice. I agree. It’s not just me which is why I think I wanted to share it. I used to compare myself with artist who, according to their IG posts or other posts, seemed always to be on their game. It made me feel down when I first started making jewelry because I thought I’d always be struggling. That’s not true and sometimes it’s good to hear that other people struggle as well.
Have only been following your blog for a short time, but I have been very inspired by your creativity and commitment to making the world a better place. It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the huge things going on in our lives and in the world in general, but I do remember the saying you posted about “somebody should do something about this and then I remember I am somebody”. That has become a mantra for me. Please do not deprive the rest of us of your spark, wit and beautiful creations. Give yourself permission to have some down time, focus on getting the stuff that is in the way of your spirit completed, and then you will be recharged with all kinds of creative energy because your surroundings will once again allow that to happen. Keeping you in my good thoughts.
Thanks Lisa. And thank you for bringing that back to me. That I am somebody that can do something about things. Perhaps I just lost sight of that a little bit. Yes, I definitely am going to have to rethink what I’m going to do about that because that was a good thing for me.
Soooo good to see a new post from you – I feel for you with the whole renovation thing going on…makes for a distracted mind and it’s hard to concentrate on anything? When I look in on you, I want to give you so much encouragement, but when I put myself in your shoes, I know I’d be feeling EXACTLY the same way – just an “unsettled” feeling? you can’t quite describe. Anyway, just want to wish you happy days and creative thinking to get you through the “in-between” times – you’ll find yourself inspired by something when you least expect it – I’ve tried forcing it, but mostly it doesn’t work that way for me unfortunately…has to be organic – a need that comes from my gut. Otherwise, I tend to poop out quickly. To me, you have an endless imagination I just cannot fathom…I’m pretty much a “see something I love and tweak it so as to not ’totally’ copy it, but basically copy it in my own version” haha…the ideas you come up with out of your own mind AMAZE me!! But that’s what makes you a TRUE artist! If I could be anything in this world, I would choose to have been born with your abilities, or the abilities of any true artist. People say you can learn it…I disagree. True artists are born – the rest of us are posers? but as long as I’ve got people like you to look up to, I’ll be a happy poser☺️☺️ Hang in there, Deborah – a newly renovated space is looming around the bend for you?? and we can’t wait to hear about it!!
Thank you Jill. That’s nice of you to say. I think that you hit something on the head for me. I think I am forcing it at the moment and it doesn’t feel good. A break is probably a good idea. I’m bored ?
I love your blogposts, your willingness to share what you’re thinking and feeling-thank you for writing. I can guarantee that I would not be in full production mode while in a temporary spot-probably not get much done at all. Motivation can be elusive sometimes, I’ve had trouble with it sometimes too, even under normal conditions and I’d bet everyone has. Your contributions to charity have been waaaayy more than a drop in a bucket-and kindness is never, ever wasted. Never ever. Maybe you’ll have some good reading or Netflix recommendations for us as you go through this transition time, I’m all ears. ?
? I think I’ve finally come to the conclusion that perhaps a break from jewelry isn’t a bad idea. I worry that I’ll never get back to it though ? I do think something has to change though as I think my jewelry has become a little ‘tired’.
The trouble with living with serious building work in your home, is, in my opinion (and in no particular order, and this is not an exhaustive list!)
the dust
the constant sense of invasion,
the dust
continual brewing of tea
the noise
the displacement of everything, so nothing is where it ought to be
the dust
the workmen who are omnipresent, clumping around, singing and being unforgivably cheerful, with whom one is expected to chat – at all times of the day, regardless of one’s own state of mind – a shocking imposition 😉
the dust
plus there’s all the inconveniences of the missing kitchen / washing machine / cooker / shower / bath /toilet. I tell, you I don’t miss being without a working loo for 3 weeks or a door on said loo for 6
And did I mention the dust?!!
How many times have you uttered the wail ‘NEVER AGAIN’? It’s been almost a decade since we had our serious building works, and we are still saying it.
Hugs, hugs and more hugs. And, of course – scones.
Fortunately I’m not living in the same area as the renovation so haven’t had the dust problem. Nor the tea problem as no-one seems to like tea as much as me ?
now I have builder-envy. x
?
Creative lows are no fun. Been there. I might even be there at the moment but my denial is working overtime so it’s difficult to be sure. All the best with surviving the renovations (is that a metaphor?).
Yes the renovation is getting a little old now and yes, perhaps the renovation has more meaning than I first thought ?
Sorry your feeling this way. Your work is so amazing I never thought you’d have feelings like this. I can relate so much with this and I’m not even creating on a level close to yours. Keep your chin up and hope things fall into place soon for you.
Stacy
Thanks Stacy. I think it’s good to share that we all have those feelings. It gives hope for everyone ?