I don’t do New year’s resolutions because they make me anxious and I just feel set up for failure.
I prefer to call them good intentions.
To be honest I have a lot of good intentions throughout the year which I often fall short on, but it always feels on-going for me. Like I haven’t lost my last chance of doing well on the test.
I love the potential of the New Year. It makes me feel hopeful. A fresh start to clear the way. and in many ways I prefer it to Christmas.
Just don’t tell Santa.
It makes my head feel lighter like it does when I have my hair cut. Granted my hair is pretty short, but that extra couple of millimeters really bring me down. God knows what I’m going to do this week as my appointment isn’t until the 9th and I can already feel it creeping down toward my knees…
So here we are again and my whole life is opened up before me. What will I do with it all because at 58 I’m really beginning to feel an urge to get going on my life plan.
Depression gets in the way of life plans.
I suffer with depression.
It takes away my umph and makes the sofa a thing of beauty.
In the short time (or sometimes long time) it takes me to wake up and get up I can have gone from being excited to make something or do something to knowing that there’s no point.
It’s like I’ve done it already in my head so why bother.
I share this for those of you who suffer also so that you know you’re not alone, because sometimes it makes me feel ridiculous. As though I make it up and that, of course, I can snap myself out of it.
An interesting thing, however, happened to me a couple of months back. I was having lunch with an old friend and she mentioned that she didn’t think that she had ever been depressed. That she felt down at times and fed up, but that she didn’t think that she ever had been really depressed. It took me by surprise as I really thought that everyone was depressed. That it was just a symptom of life. So maybe ‘snapping out of it’ for me is different than for her.
Just a thought.
Anyway, that said, I do feel excited for the new year.
I do have lots of good intentions and I’m ready to see where they take me.
Most of them involve creativity, but a few important ones involve moving onwards and upwards with my attitude toward myself. Those mostly regarding the negative thoughts that don’t just creep in as I always thought, but that live constantly with me.
I have paintings to finish.
I have jewelry to develop.
I have books to work on.
(I love writing my books. It’s my happy place which is probably why I avoid it.)
I have good food to make.
I have less wine to drink.
I have more smiling to do.
(That’s almost as good as a haircut)
I have books to read.
I have getting out of bed as soon as I wake up to do.
I have more arguing with the Texas humidity to do so that I can take a walk more often.
Might have to give that one up and get the tread mill out.
I have getting a better attitude toward the tread mill to work on.
And I have the Noble Peace Price to attain.
(This is probably just an interesting pshycological consequence of being told I’d never amount to anything, but I’m just going to go with it. Can’t hurt.)
I could go on, but don’t want to get myself too excited that I have to lie down again.
The struggle is real…
So I’ll leave you all with a little lovely something that happened last night.
A grandson from one daughter and a wedding from the other.
What’s not to like.
Now we just have to figure out what to do with the boy…
Wishing you all a good year.